Saturday, May 28, 2016

May Be Time For A New Washing Machine

Well some 10 years or more ago my washing machine crapped out. My brother lived only a few hundred yards around the corner so I used his washer for a few weeks until I spied a machine on the curb. I knocked, inquired and was told the machine did indeed function.
I got the rascal home and found it more or less worked. The door has to be opened and reclosed for it to go into spin cycle but I've worked around that. Lately I've been noticing that I really need to run a wash cycle (actually a pre-rinse) w/ no detergent then restart the whole shooting match with detergent and complete the wash to make the final rinse water look clear.

I'm thinking it may be getting close to time for me to break down and buy a new machine. Hell, they're only a few hundred bucks and I probably spend that on the water and electricity to run the extra rinse cycle.
And hey! The weather here has returned to clothesline over electric dryer so that added to should make the new machine expense not noticeable.

The only thing left is what to do with the old washer. Body is good as is the motor. I'd hate to curb the damn thing then realize I could have used some part of it!

Memorial Day Weekend

Memorial Day is Monday so this weekend is Memorial Day weekend, duh! It's also seen as the unofficial start of Summer here.
But as with the case with so many American holidays the true meaning is all too often lost. Memorial day is a day to remember our servicemen & women who gave the full measure for our country. Whereas Veteran's Day is for all vets, Memorial Day is for our fallen from the American Revolution to today.

There are things in my past I am proud of and others less so. One thing I do take great pride in is having served 12 years in our armed forces. Five years active Air Force, 4 Naval Reserves and 3 Army National Guard. My active time was 1977-1982, the height of the Cold War and just after the Vietnam War when the military wasn't very  popular among America's civilians. Our health and well being was in almost as much jeopardy from the locals as from the then U.S.S.R.

It does my heart good to see my brothers and sisters in uniform today being appreciated as my generation of warriors were despised if not hated.

But I digress. I really wanted to say that Memorial Day is about so much more than grilling, chilling, having ice cream and watermelon. It is more than an extra paid day off work. Anyone who's ever laced a pair of combat boots can tell you we didn't sign up for the money or "glory". We did it and do it every day for you, the American people. To keep you free and safe from any and all harm to the best of our mortal abilities.

So if you would do me two favors....
1) When you see someone in uniform take a second to thank them.
2) If you say Grace before you chow down remember those who died for you.

I see that I do have occasional readers from other countries so let me assure you even those who at some time my government not I had issues with your government not You your fallen are included in Merlin's Memorial Day prayers.

"All we are saying is give peace a chance" . John Lennon

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Patience

It's that time of the growing Season that merely requires patience, Sunshine & water. Things are growing at their own pace but nothing is ready for harvest yet.
My smaller projects advance one day at a time and I'm waiting for Chris to call re: larger construction jobs that I can't manage alone.
My duck hens are looking better after separation from the lads. I've still not been able to adopt out the 2 of 3 Rouen drakes nor find any hens of any variety that wouldn't be a full day round trip. I'm sure they're out there I just have to bide my time. Perhaps when all the stars line up my too many drakes/too few hens situation will be resolved.

I'm looking to the time when I can start putting up some produce from the garden in jars and freezer bags. I have a dehydrator that I used before to make beef jerky and should be able to dry some fruits & veg. I'm reading up on use & price of pressure canners as well.

Saturday, May 21, 2016

More Mollies & The Miracle Of Life

I got home today and after letting the dogs out, feeding the ducks & geese and lizards went to feed the fish. Yesterday I had a female Molly that looked like she was gonna burst. Today I have another 6 - 10 babies! It's hard to count the wee rascals as they do dart about rather quickly and intermingle with the other babes from the previous litters. I know all will most likely not survive but the miracle of life never ceases to amaze me.

I understand (more or less) how life works. I attended Biology 101 in high school years ago. But the older I get the more I am amazed at the miracle that life is on planet Earth that God has created for us. We here are in the perfect zone for life as Venus is too close, Mars is too far away to support life as we know it. Even our moon, lovely Luna is the perfect distance from us.
Human procreation (or any mammal) is a miracle. The procreation of any other animal is a miracle as is that of plants. At the plant level one plant makes a flower as does another ( miracle in and of itself). Then some yellow dust from plant A flower lands on a flower from plant B and makes a tomato, or corn, or okra or a squash.

We should all take time (I think) to ponder the miracle of life here and how amazingly wonderful it really is. Yellow dust (pollen) from one flower gets to another flower and next thing you know we have food.
Walk barefoot in the grass, smell the flowers, take time to watch the Sun rise and/or set, enjoy a Moon rise/set, watch the Stars. Enjoy all God has given us and rejoice!
We all have difficult times in life. I recently lost my Dad. But I am not in the least bitter. Hell yes, I miss him but prefer to remember the good times we had together.

Friday, May 20, 2016

My Great Grandma Kemp

My great grandmother on my Dad's Mom's side lived to I believe the ripe old age of 98. We called dad's mom "Maw Clara" and her Mom "Maw Kemp" as that was her last name... full name was Beulah Mae but I don't recall her maiden name.
Anyway, she was born during the Reconstruction Era after the American Civil War. I want to say maybe only 4 years or so after the war.  I was still in my single digits or barely into my doubles when she passed away but I had some grand times with that old lady. She never wore britches, always a dress and I rarely saw her without her bonnet on. I remember when we boys would be out with no shirt on she'd say "Lookit them boys, running around half nekkid".
Every morning and evening she would walk down to the old bridge leading to the farm, oh maybe half a city block or less for her "constitutionals".

The old house had one single faucet in the kitchen, hot water came from the stove in pots. A single bare light bulb lit each room; living room, 2 bedrooms and kitchen. The toilet was a little building some 50' or so from the back door. No air conditioning only 2 electric fans with metal guards over metal blades in the Summer and a wood fire in the fireplace heated the home.
But even at my tender age I got so much pleasure sitting by the fire listening to that frail old lady tell tales of her youth. She was one beautiful person.
The main thing I learned from Maw Kemp is no matter how hard times are we make do. Believe it or not back inn the day salt was a very expensive commodity. So much so that they would go out to the smokehouse where salted meat was hung to smoke for the Winter. There they would dig up the dirt which was full of salt which had fallen off the meat during smoking. They would filter the dirt until the water ran clear then put in pans and put the pans in the Sun to dry out and thusly reclaim the salt.
What? Fifty cents a pound or less for common table salt yet they had to work to reclaim it like that.

I tell you what. Any chance you get to talk to the real oldsters you really should take it. Their wisdom is fading all too quickly.

Back In Duck Egg Business & Tomatoes

Well I've finally gotten rid of all the bad for one reason or another eggs. My geese haven't resumed laying yet but the ducks have. I'm down to only 3 duck hens now (2 Rouen & 1 Runner)  but production is pretty good. I'm bring in 2 or 3 fresh eggs daily and writing the harvest date in pencil on each. If I continue bringing in only 2 a day I'll have a dozen in 6 days or 14 per week. A day or two with 3 would give me 12 to sell plus 3 or 4 farm fresh weekly for my own use which is just about plenty.
I've located a couple of people with hens for sale but both are so far away that going to fetch them would be a more or less day's ride round trip. I'll keep looking for someone closer.

My tomato plants are doing poorly to swimmingly depending on location and variety. As was welcome so last year my volunteer cherry and grape in the North East corner are standing tall and covered in blossoms. My Roma in the front yard (East bed) have fruits about as long as and slightly thicker than my thumb. I've also got beefsteak and some other type I can't recall that are in the South bed that are seeming to struggle.
Some of my chili pepper plants are flowering and/or putting on fruits as well.

Having struggled through the Great Depression none of my grandparents it seems ever threw anything away if there was any chance it may find some later use. I remember both my Grandmothers "putting up" fruits, veg, jellies & preserves. Putting up is a Southern term for canning in Mason jars, salting, smoking  or drying for the Winter. I'll have to check with my Mom to see if she still has her Mom's old canning pot, any jars, etc and time to show me how to do it right. I know I could read any of 10,000 or more books or magazine on online articles on how to but nothing beats hands on tutoring. Up at my Dad's parents' place I remember Maw Clara taking these hard ass bitter mealy apples from the orchard and drying them  between 2 screens she put in the windowsill to dry in the Sun. Those barely fit to eat raw apples with her love added made the best apple pie I ever put in my mouth.

I'm guardedly optimistic re: the maters and peppers making enough to put up a few jars of plain diced maters, marinara sauce and some salsa; mild, medium, hot and nuclear!

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Lizard Chow & A Story About A Mouse

I've a pair of adult Bearded Dragons & a pair of juvenile Green Iguanas. I raise meal worms in a 10 gallon aquarium inside my storage building. The Dragons are in a 55 gallon tank with sand substrate and the Iguanas are in a 33" tall x 29" x  18" bird cage with newspaper substrate. The sand in the former looks great, the paper in the latter is quite unbecoming but both suit my respective needs.
The worms have no real substrate other than corn meal which is also their primary feed along with a few chunks of dog chow.

As of day one or even before I noticed the produce department's scarp bin at the grocery where I work. Since I got the lizards I began rummaging about every day or two. It simply sounds ridiculous to buy more than I need and even more so to buy just what they'll eat in 2 days. A whole head of lettuce or cabbage when I need a leaf or a pound when I need one berry or 4 grapes? I get kale, cabbage, lettuce (red, green and bok choi) by the leaf along with 1-6 grapes, strawberries, broccoli & cauliflower bits, bell pepper (all colors) pieces off bruised or broken fruit insuring a variety of good produce for the worms as well as the lizards. The fruits & veg are the only source of dietary moisture for the worms. Last night I found something new for them all to enjoy. Hidden among all the mushy ones were a pair of nice figs. Anything left over with seeds in it that I'd welcome as growth gets tossed into a 6" deep 2' x 2' "sprouting bin" as will be the case with some of the fig seeds. Some of the bounty is either fed fresh or laid out to dry as flake feed for my molly fish which eat mostly aquatic vegetation in the wild while the remainder simply goes into my pair of compost bins.
Sometimes while digging I find earthworms. Some are as big around as a pencil if not quite as long. A few of these get tossed to the Quack Pack as treats but most I leave to their work of enriching and aerating the soil. If I happen upon a concentrated population of small to medium size they become lizard treats.
There are a pair of catalpa trees in my back yard and soon the caterpillars should be showing up bringing joy and happiness to all. Ducks, geese, lizards and Merlin! Hey, If you can't catch a fish using catalpa worms as bait turn around. You must be facing the wrong way and casting back to shore instead of into the water.

When I worked at the zoo everybody else treated the mice and rats as merely food. I looked at them until they were to become food as animals under my care that deserved no less attention than any other. I gave them all sorts of goodies from fresh fruits & veg to bird seed and nuts. I'd get toilet paper and paper towel rolls for them to gnaw & tunnel in, acorns, pine cones & sticks to chew, cat tails were a favorite both heads and roots.
There was one old gal there whose attitude was best described (at least by me) as "snotty". Whenever I used The Royal "we" in my speech she'd say "We? Do you have a mouse in your pocket?"
One day I was checking the mice & rats and found a fresh litter of baby mice. One was a runt who never grew to much more than 1" at fully grown. Being the soft hearted soul that I am decided he wouldn't become a feeder but rather my little buddy. As soon as he was weaned anytime I knew my job didn't put him in harm's way he was with me. It wasn't long before old snotty asked the question and I had my answer... "Yes. As a matter of fact I do have a mouse in my pocket!"

A Welcome Rain

Last night as I was getting ready for work I clicked on the TV to check the weather report as per my usual. Big Dave was saying little to no chance of rain for the night and only 20%  for today. On my way to work it began misting and by 12 o'clock it was a light sprinkle. It is now 7:35 AM and it has been a semi constant drizzle to soaking shower since about midnight.
Perfect for my raised bed gardens  but not so much so for any yard work or construction projects. No worries as I have plenty to keep me busy indoors.

Monday, May 16, 2016

Some Tropical Looking Plant

This morning I noticed among her other garbage my across the street neighbor, Miss Virginia had placed some near dead tropical looking potted plant. I'm quite unsure as to what it may be but I brung it home anyway. The soil in the pot is almost dry as dust but the core of the plant still shows slight signs of green life. I'm soaking it in a bucket of water now but will pull it to drain directly and see can I bring it back to life.. If so I'll name the thing "Lazarus". If not I have some compost, potting soil and a pot all for free.

Hopefully The Last Rotten Eggs

My Sweet Lord! I went into the hen house again today and still noticed a faint foul aroma. I saw a couple more eggs and pulled them for disposal and went to digging into the nesting area. I digged all the way to the bare dirt scattering nesting material as I went and found another 16 rotten eggs which I promptly buried. All I can guess is the hen started stashing eggs before I could rob the nest, some were on or damn near right on the ground. These got wet, went sour and spoiled the whole kit & kaboodle.
If anybody has a better suggestion please let me know. I damn sure don't want to bury another 3 dozen or so rotten duck eggs. If nothing else I'm lazy by nature and don't like spending that much time on a shovel planting something that I know won't grow!

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Planning Semi Major Projects

I haven't any biological offspring to call my own but I do have a foster daughter. I introduce her sans "foster" and she still calls me "Dad". Her husband I refer to as my "son out law" as he ain't quite my son in law.
When I was moving into my home I had a storage building erected in my back yard for about $2500 for a 12' x 14'. The builders came highly recommended by my Mom which was good enough for me. I asked them about slapping a roof over my approx 12' x 14' deck and was given an estimate of about $2000 because it had to be built to code. Turns out my son out law builds decks and other outside add ons and says there is no code for such stuff and can do it for less than 1/2 of that price.
Always the bargain shopper I'm now trying to set up a time for him to come look at my deck with the possibility of (long as he's here) some covered parking and an add on just covered pole barn on the North side of my barn. My presently uncovered parking area is about 13' x 20' and I'd like the pole barn about same as the barn (12' x 14').
He's a wormy little runt like myself so I reckon if I offer to toss a couple burgers down his throat plus the family discount I should make out fairly well.

Sand & Soil

Yesterday I bought 10 bags of play sand for sand needing projects. I'd estimated 10 to be all I'd need but that little voice in my head tried to convince me to buy 12. Short story long I only got 10 and even before I had them all unloaded I realized I would need 12. To avoid such another miscalculation I bought another 5 bags today. If I don't need the extra 3 anytime soon I'll simply store them in my barn. I'm pretty sure they won't go bad.
I was going to purchase another 10 bags of topsoil for my raised beds both complete and planned but after heaving 5 sacks of wet sand opted for a mere half dozen.

More Eggs (Good & Bad)

I know in the wild hens of all species be it bird, reptile,whatever has to be sharp at hiding her eggs. It seems the Rouen duck has not lost this maternal instinct. I fed the Quack Pack this morning as per usual then checked the yard for eggs and found none. Upon checking the hen house I found a new trio of eggs in one previously vacant corner and 4 more in the old nest. I may not have the keenest sense of smell but I whiffed these rancid ova even before I saw them! I sifted through all the nesting material and believe I finally got the last of them. Boy howdy! I sure hope so.
Now perhaps all 3 of my duck hens and my pair of goose hens will resume laying fresh eggs. I see organic free range large chicken eggs at the grocery starting at $3.00 a dozen and up from there. Duck eggs are about the size of extra large to jumbo so I figure $4.00 fair price. I'd have to weigh them to be sure but judging from sheer size I estimate goose eggs to be at least twice the size of a large chicken egg so $6.00 seems reasonable especially when we consider the "exotic" factor of duck or goose vs chicken egg.

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Rotten Eggs & New Plants

Yesterday morning Mama Duck was off her nest so I took the opportunity to check her eggs she had been setting. I only needed an up close & personal whiff of one to know the entire batch was no good. Whew, Damn! Even a hard core Vietnamese balut eater wouldn't go near these stinkers. As with the goose eggs that got killed in the rainstorm I buried the clutch. If ever I plant onions near the area they should be mighty strong with that much sulfur. I think I saw on TV a while back that what makes Vidalia onions so sweet is the extremely low sulfur content in the soil.

Anyway one of our local home improvement stores was having the last (or so they say) early bird sale of the year in the yard & garden dept. I did see Granny Smith apple trees there but even at half price they were still right at $20.00. I've read somewhere that apple trees grown from seed don't always run true to variety but I think I'll try and see what I get.
I did but a 4 pack of cucumber & a 4 pack of yellow crookneck squash plants and a pair of jalapeno plants as well as about 20 packs of seeds, mostly root crops again. There were a butt load of 4 packs I was interested in but they were looking rather poorly, many were more like 3 or even 2 packs.
I am loading up on root crop seeds mostly radish, beet and carrot because once I harvest the entire plant is gone. Ergo to keep harvesting throughout the season I have to keep throwing down more seed. If I have a better than decent yield from any given planting I'll let a few go to seed for next year.

One caveat regarding seed saving. I've read that hybrid seeds like your basic mule (a horse/donkey hybrid) are sterile so if you plan on seed saving always go heirloom.
I don't know if this applies to natural cross pollination like if bees swap pollen between my beefsteak and cherry tomatoes, jalapeno & bell peppers or just the Frankenstein hybrids developed by the seed companies. I'm thinking that a little natural crossing is gonna happen and is probably not too bad a thing. Anybody who knows differently please correct me.

Okay, I've got holes to dig and plants to get started before it gets hot out. Forecast is for possible showers later in the week so I'm hoping for a gentle rain and not a torrential downpour.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Merlin's Gardens

We've had a few weeks of below normal cool nights here but things have definitely warmed up. We're getting close to the right amount of rain and I'm catching it in buckets & such where I don't need and putting where I do need.
Tomatoes are showing promise. Gourds and corn are looking good. Herbs should produce well enough. Peppers are "iffy" at best as are okra, eggplant and greens. Root crops are not showing much promise at this point.
One thing I've tried to learn from my dear, late maternal grandmother (Olivette) is patience to try again next year. However one thing I no doubt inherited from her husband, my Pawpaw (Ira) is impatience!

I've got a couple more raised bed gardens staked out to build as time and energy allow. I'm using old recovered slats from the privacy fence that was here when I moved in for the most part so the 3 I have and 1 more planned are 6' x 6'. Two of the new ones will be 8' x 12'.

The most important thing is that I'm having fun in my gardens. I've had some fruit trees wither and die. I've had some crops fail miserably.
But I love walking barefoot in the yard. Getting my hands in the soil is better than couch time talking to a shrink. Some plants do not grow under my care... the ones that do make me happy seeing life come forth.
Isn't that what life should be all about?

Mother's Day

Sunday was Mother's Day but my nights off this week were Tuesday and Wednesday so yesterday I took Mom to lunch. I'm not paid to endorse any restaurant so I won't mention where we went. All I'll say is I got a chicken fried steak w/ gravy & loaded baked spud. Mom got chicken tenders w/ loaded spud, steamed broccoli & cheese sauce. We were both as full as ticks when we left, all for around $21.00 including the tip. Mom had enough left to fill a take home box for another full meal.
We spent time together walking around in her back yard w/ her toy Poodle, Gracie. I refer to the wee heathen as my baby sister. She (Gracie) actually licked my fingers about a dozen times even before Mom & I went to eat so it wasn't just gravy she wanted.
Mom has a satsuma tree in her back yard loaded w/ fruit from about BB to marble size. Her Meyer lemon isn't doing much other than leaves and mighty thorns! I'm trying to learn a little about canning and her fig tree is looking like it'll have enough fruit to fill a couple quart Mason jars when we get sick of eating fresh. I see orange marmalade in the grocery so I may try putting up a jar or 3 of satsuma marm.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Ducks & Such

I'd separated the Quack Pack because my hens (especially the Runners) were getting so beat up by the drakes.One of the little girls had been beaten almost blind. Well, the other day I got home from work and some critter had finished her off. The culprit had seemingly caught her w/ her head under a low spot of the privacy fence. Her noggin was rather severely gnawed up but her body intact. She's now buried in the back yard w/ a couple of concrete paving stones over her to keep Bella, my dachshund from digging her up.
Meanwhile I'm looking to place 2 of my 3 Rouen drakes in good home or homes, possibly trade for more hens. I'm down to only 1 Runner hen and 2 Rouen hens and 3 Rouen drakes. I feel the 1 to 2 male to female ratio is good for the geese although another hen would be welcome. I think 1 drake to 5 or 6 hens would be close to ideal re: ducks. While not too particular re: variety of ducks I'm not real partial to plain white Pekin and find Muscovy butt ugly. Pekins are supposed to be the most meat production duck partially due to the ease of making a clean looking carcass because of their white feathers. Muscovies are among the most prolific egg layers.
For now I'm just casting lines in the water and seeing if I get any nibbles.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Separating The Quack Pack

I never before realized how rough mating is on duck hens. My 2 little 4-5 Runner hens were being brutalized by my +/- 15 pound Rouen males (drakes) even harder than the Rouen hens. Well, yesterday I went out to find my African brown gander and his 2 goose hens had one of my wee runners in a corner just pecking the hell out of her. I immediately put a stop to that then set about with a permanent solution.
Their enclosure is in an "L" shape some 15' x 50' along one leg and 15' x 40' along the other. Being a good Redneck I have spare fencing wire on hand at most times.
One of my Rouen hens is setting on a clutch of eggs in their shed which is located in the point where the 2 legs meet so I wanted to give her that area.
I first cut the yard in about half separating the geese from the ducks. The I split the duck yard in twain giving the Runners an area all their own. The fencing I used was a mere 2.5' as opposed to the 3' used in the rest of the project and I soon found that under duress Rouens can achieve flight altitude of 2' 7" for a short distance.
Ergo I now have my 2 runner hens in a +/- 15' x 15' w/ a small lean to type cover, 4' diameter kiddie wading pool. In a similarly sized area w/ the shed I have 1.1 Rouen (1.1 means 1 male. 1 female) and in the main yard I have 1.2 geese and 2.0 Rouen.

I'm seriously considering putting 2 Rouen drakes up for sale or swap and trying to find at least a couple more hens. All of the chicks I've seen at the co-op are either White Pekin or Blue Cayuga.
I'm not so much now concerned w/ breed as much as I am sex. Except perhaps Muscovy ducks... Damn! but they are butt-uglier than a mud fence people been throwing toads frogs at!

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Fruit & Volunteer Tomatoes

My home came with a mulberry tree which I found quite cool being native wild food. I've not worked with many of them so I was rather pleasantly surprised to see that I'm getting ripe berries already.
My little nectarine tree flowered and has several fruits from grape to almost ping pong ball size.

Last years' volunteer tomato plants (cherry & grape) did quite well being the only maters I got at all last year. While harvesting that crop any not good looking I dropped where I found them. This year the patch has grown from less than a half dozen plants to close to a full dozen. Must be something about the location perfect for mater plants. I'll stake them soon and look forward to a better than before harvest.

For some reason I'm having a Hell of a time getting okra started. I actually had to purchase seed this year as none of my saved seed came up.
Seed/feed/plant places are like crack to me. When I was getting my okra seed I saw eggplant plants so now have one of those in my 1/2 whiskey barrel planter.

Birth & Death On The Suburban Farm

I've had aquaria since I was probably 11 or 12 years old and since have always loved having tanks of fish in my home. Presently I have a school of Green Sail Fin Mollies in a 55 gallon tank. Once I moved into my house and got everything set up I began searching for old school green sail fins but all the local pet stores only sold the newer "designer" types which I didn't want. Finally I located a place in Texas and ordered about 15. Some of my fish died day by day so my stock is now down to about 10 but last week one of my females gave birth to a half dozen fry. The wee ones are eating like sharks and growing like weeds.

My goose girls had been setting on a clutch of eggs for about a month when the other day we had a torrential downpour of rain. My property is on the side of a hill and the girls had made their nest in the lowest part of their yard. When the rain slacked up I went out and saw all but one of my fowl walking about. I went to their enclosure and found the nest under about 6" of water where the rain had washed leaves to the fence and crated a dam.
I dug a hole to bury the eggs (to get some use of them). When I broke open one egg I saw the goslings were only about 2 days from hatching. Needless to say it was heart wrenching to be so close and lose my wee ones.

But as I said at the start of my blog I'll share my successes and failures.
I'm looking to buy a truckload or 2 of just butt ugly fill dirt to shore up my low spots and try to not level but terrace my yard a bit to keep it from becoming a bog quite so often.

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Family Mottoes

I've been researching my family tree, crests, mottoes and such. While I'll not share ancestral names I will share mottoes:

My dad's dad's: Semper fidelis : Latin for "Always faithful"
My dad's mom's: Lucem spero : Latin for "I hope for the light"
My mom's dad's: Ewch ym laen (pronounced "you kim line")  Welsh for "Go forward"
My mom's mom's: Tentada via est: Latin for "The way must be tried"

Reflections On My Dad & Me

I've heard that confession is good for the soul, talking about a loss is part of healing, etc. So here goes. I do hope this doesn't sound like a self-pity party.
My dad passed away April 17 and was laid to rest on the 19th.

My parents had 2 sons of which I was second. My older brother was always referred to by our dad as "#1 son" and therefore I was "#2 son". Okay, #2... another term for fecal matter? After having a son dad wanted a daughter so as soon as he saw my boy junk he was let down. I was born in 1959, way before ultra sound scans.

After my parents divorced dad remarried and got the daughter he wanted and a 3rd son whom he often called his "main man". So somewhere between #1 son, baby girl and main man was... what? that other kid?
I know in his own way my dad loved me as his son but never felt like he really liked me as my own person. If you've seen 'Lord Of The Rings' you'll know what I mean when I say I know how Faramir felt about his family dynamics.
Often I imagined how it would go if and when we sat and discussed our truest, deepest, darkest and yes, brightest feelings for each other. Now that opportunity is lost to me this side of the river.

We never like to think about losing a close family member preferring to lie to ourselves that they'll always be here.

I'll not preach to you or tell you how you should live or even suggest a course of action except one thing...
Even if you don't confront an issue with a loved one, accept as fact that they do love you in their own way and did their best in their own way by you. Love them unconditionally and never, NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them so. What I wouldn't give to hug my dad again and tell him "I love you".

At the final viewing of the body I was holding back, really not wanting to go. My mom's brother after whom I am named said "No, I'd rather remember him standing up". I put my arm around him and said, "Me too, Unc".
He and I have always been seen as rather eccentric even as young men. Animal lovers, lovers of getting our hands in the dirt to grow veggies and fruit when going to the grocery is easier. We kinda lost touch when I started working 3rd shift  but Hell, he only lives some 40 or so miles away. I can go visit him more often and we can share our eccentricities.

Anyway, if you love someone never miss a chance to tell them so. You never know when it will be your last chance.

Dogs, ducks, lizards & geese for World Peace.
Love always, Merlin