MY SWEET LORD!

The past couple days have been most exasperating! Maybe the good Lord is just testing me but I've had more fun tangled in a barbed wire fence and/or pissing on an electric fence than I've had the past few days. Between household electrical and dare I say "AOL"  things here have not been much fun at all. But God tested Job and far more than He's tested me and Job didn't complain. I got my problems solved and I do thank God for that.
Now that I'm back online I can bring y'all up to date but just not right now... Tween computer and phone I'e wrestled (rasseled?)  w/ my computer/internet Mongolian cluster~mess for far too long and my patience has worn thin if not completely out.
I'll give y'all the Reader's Digest condensed version tomorrow or ASAP.... right now I need a beer and a ham sammich.

A Rather Trying Day

Even after telling my neighbors not to come knocking in the afternoon (especially if they don't hear the TV or music on) Lo and behold! 6:30 PM comes a tapping at the door. I knew it could only be them wanting to borrow something again. I whispered to the dogs to hush and went back to my nap. How many times do I have to tell these buffoons that I usually am sleeping (or trying) at that time of day? Knocking on my door at 6:30 PM is like 4:30 AM to a day shift worker. My "normal" lunch time is 2:30 AM. I'll just slightly modify my plans for transforming the swamp into a rock garden/ parking area. Come spring I'll start w/ some plants along the property line. I have some wicked blue agave in pots that I can put out along w/ dividing and spreading out the yucca and prickly pear cactus I already have there. Maybe a nice (for me, not so much for them) thick privacy screen of giant bamboo. As I am immune to poison ivy I could get downright evil if push comes to shove!

I spent at least an hour and a half trying to get my cell phone to share photos and videos w/ my computer, finally giving up when I realized my blood pressure was about to blow. I had mashed the screen hard enough to crack it. Time for me to admit my tech skill limit had been passed and I'm gonna have to ask for help w/ this one. If at first you don't succeed, try try again. Then quit, no need being a damn fool about it!

Another Grand Day In The Life...

It has been so hot & dry here that the ground has cracked wide and deep enough I could stick my entire hand into the splits. I'm still picking a few maters and getting small projects done in house and around the yard. Today is forecast to be (relatively) cool weather, and maybe not even break 90 which is a blessing. Maybe w/ the cooler weather I can light up Black Beauty (my smoker) and make some beef jerky and smoke a hunk o' hog for my mom's birthday (September 6th).
Still no word re: my vacation week that I asked for. I really do need some time away from those knobs I work with!
Yesterday I as politely as possible reminded my neighbors that I do work 3rd shift (10 PM to 7 AM) so if they need to borry anything 5 PM is not the best time to come knocking and expect me to be in the best of moods.

Dig them holes, Redneck!

I looked at Home Depot for post hole diggers and they was right at $45.00... I wasn't ready to bust loose that much cash (or credit) for a pretty much one time tool so I went back to using my pickaxe and shovel to bust up a bit more dirt and soaking, digging, soaking again and digging again. It took a bit of effort but I got the job done.
I had some frostbit whole catfish in my freezer not fit for man nor beast to eat so I chucked them in the bottoms of the holes, throwed in a couple inches of  soil and continued on my merry way.
After getting the palms in the holes I filled around w/ potting soil instead of the baked clay I digged out, left about a 2" lip which I filled and topped off w/ sand just for aesthetics. You may think it looks like hammered flaming dog crap but I think it looks pretty damned peachy!

Digging Holes (Or Trying)

After taking care of Vlad, Bella and the Quack Pack I tried to dig holes for my other 2 coconut palm trees. I got about 2-3 inches down in rock hard soil and said, "Screw this!" I filled the minor declivities w/ water and am letting it soak.... Will add more water as the day progresses. Post hole diggers have been added to tomorrow's Home Depot shopping list. Maybe I can get 2 more holes digged to fit w/ them.

Keeping Up W/ The Neighbors

My next door neighbor to the North, Shelley (who happens to be much younger and prettier than I) mowed her front lawn yesterday. Ergo (that's 'therefore' in Latin) I felt the need to mow mine today. I got it done but now I am pitting out, dripping, call it what you wish. Hey! I reek!
Time for me to get naked (pronounced NAK-d, rhymes w/ baked) and rinse off.

Another Beautiful Day

My dad and step mom live in Florence, Mississippi just a few miles down Highway 49 from here. Yesterday dad was in Pearl so called me to finally drop by to see what he calls my "wigwam". He seemed to like the place and was amazed that my older brother had liked it as well. We had a nice visit and I told him I want a couple persimmon trees and some huckleberry bushes from his property up in Montgomery County. He'll either mark them for me or have them marked so I can fetch them home here.

As you know I am a big fan of edible landscaping. All I have planted thus far has been to produce some sort of vittles and I'm trying to kill off any what doesn't except for 1 palm tree of unknown species in the back yard. For no other reason than their being cool I ordered 3 coconut palm tree seedlings. As things have been dry here digging in the yard is like digging up a parking lot. I almost passed out digging a hole big enough for the first. All was going fairly well until my shovel met a root thicker than my leg. OK, I have skinny legs but still! I filled the hole w/ water and let it soak in then began moving my planned palm tree site a little to one side. Going today for some manure and potting soil to give coco #1 a good start then will try to get the others planted.

It's nigh onto 6:30 AM here and I can hear my pack quacking for their breakfast so I need to scamper briskly to feed them.

Then to attempt to bust 2 more holes in the yard and add to my redneck paradise.

What? Was He Thinking?

One of the few guys I work with and talk about things other than work made me say, "What? Were you thinking?"
He and his wife were having one of them spousal disputes and as a "Let's kiss and make up" gift he bought her a .22 handgun, 300 rounds of shells and a bioscript locking box that will only open on her fingerprint recognition.
Flowers, candy, a puppy, even a new vacuum cleaner, but not a handgun and 300 rounds of ammo as a post argument gift!
Whew, DAMN!

Another Pool/Drain Pipe Failure

Well, Hell! It looked for a few days like silicone glue was gonna hold the plastic pool and PVC drain pipe together. Not quite! Today I went to drain the pool and the silicone held to the pipe but busted loose from the pool.

What's our lesson today, kids?
When trying to affix a PVC drain pipe to a plastic kiddie wading pool...
Gorilla glue don't work.
DAP Kwik Seal Plus don't work
Silicone don't work.

I'll keep trying though. I could give a jackass lessons on being mule headed and a boar hog lessons on being pig headed. 

More About Vladi

Not a week goes by that I don't tell Vladi, "Son, you're a strange little boy." Anything I eat or drink he has to sample. If he likes it, he's on it. Any other apple he'll take 1 bite, a Granny Smith he'll eat more than I get. In a salad he'll gobble lettuce, mushrooms, green olives (only one black), dill pickles, radishes, carrots (always a treat for him and Bella) bell peppers (I don't give em jalapenos), we all love maters.

I make a gallon of sun tea every day or 2. It's 6 regular bags of black + 4 green. Fresh from the back yard and still warm I add a 7 second squeeze (no more, no less) of honey and 1 sliced up and squeezed lemon. I usually have a glass full before work to get my caffeine fix started. About a month or so ago Vlad asked, "What you got there, Papa?" I gave him a taste and now I have to pour a taller glass so we both wet our whistles.

One of the few carbonated soft drinks I like is Dr. Pepper or store brand equivalent. My mom likes it too so I always try to keep some in the fridge for her. Guess what?  Vlad likes it too! Hey, I'll tell you like I tell him... the child ain't right.

A Few Improvements at Home

Well, I decided to get all my stuff @ Wally World rather than make 2 stops, 1 @ Home Depot and another @ WW. I got their best caulking gun and it seems to be well worth the extra $3.00. I shot the remainder of the tube of silicone around my front door after wrapping the door w/ foil and adding a thin layer of oil to the foil so I wouldn't glue the door to the frame. Hey! I'm not a total drooling idiot! I still need to add more weather stripping and silicone to make a weatherproof seal but it's better now than before. 

I needed a new hose so I wouldn't have to disconnect and drag every time I wanted to water the front garden after the back or vice versa. 50' hose was $12.00 and 100' was $20.00. I figured more than needed was way better than not enough so went w/ the full 100'.

My house didn't have any screens when I bought it. I should have put in the contract the sellers install screens but too late now. As much as I love Mexican food I really need them. Anyway, while I was @ WW I bought a roll of pet grade screen, spline and screen tool. It took about 30 minutes to replace the what was once a screen in my side (main entrance) storm door. If I can do it in 30, your garden variety dumb ass should be able to do it in 15! I read the instructions (sort of) and adapted them to my own method of madness and made it work. I know most men, especially us rednecks don't read instructions but at least I do like we do w/  Playboy magazine... I look at the pictures! 

Updates

A#1 The Quack Pack's Pool: I gobbed a goodly amount of silicone glue twixt pool and drain pipe. It seems to be holding pretty good. At least the ducks and geese can enjoy the larger pool.
B#2 The Quack Pack: The ducks have been quacking for some time now. The geese still haven't gotten the knack of the full grown goose honk but shouldn't be long now.
C#3 Adding More Pictures and/or Videos: I'm still trying to figure out how to download stills and/or videos from cell phone to computer.
D#4 Gardens: Our watermelon vines are in bloom so all I hope I have to do is keep them well watered. Starting to get a few peas (really only only enough for seed) but I'll call it a near success and not complete failure.
E#5 Tools: I've decided to go Saturday (tomorrow) to Home Depot to replace my caulking gun and get the best they have in stock. I need a couple new 50' garden hoses also but I reckon those at WW will last long enough. Has anybody really bought those squnch up hoses and are they really worth a damn?

MerlinTheRedneck.blogspot.com: Want To Fill In TheSwamp

MerlinTheRedneck.blogspot.com: Want To Fill In TheSwamp: I'm still looking for material to fill in the swamp in my yard. I ain't too picky about fill material... rocks, bricks, cinder block...

Want To Fill In TheSwamp

I'm still looking for material to fill in the swamp in my yard. I ain't too picky about fill material... rocks, bricks, cinder blocks, concrete, straw, pine cones and/or straw, dirt, sand, compost, manure, sawdust,  gravel... whatever I can use to bring it up to grade.
I'd really love to top it all off w/ 2-4" of oyster shell but that's a "JNRN"  (Just Not Right Now) project.

What's Wrong w/ The World

We plant lawns of beautiful grass then put in concrete walkways and post signs "Keep Off The Grass" a la Pink Floyd. We cram our feet into shoes shaped nothing like feet and bitch about foot pain. I believe most if not all our foot problems are caused by our shoes. The rest of our foot problems along w/ knee and back aches are caused by spending all our time walking on perfectly flat and/or level, harder than stone surfaces. The best part of my day after work is taking off my shoes and socks then going out to feed my ducks and geese. Then I walk in the dew laden grass and step into the duck & goose yard. I don't worry about stepping in fresh yard bird butt pudding as I put out feed and fresh water for them. It'll get washed off when I walk thru the wet grass again.
More people should have ducks. I think of mine more as family than pets. They are even better than Dr. Phil for therapy. There would be a lot less stress and violence in the world if more people had ducks. Hey! Even after the worst night ever at work it's hard for me to stay pissed off at the world after just a few minutes w/ the quack pack!

Vlad's birthday

I mentioned before that I don't know Bella's real birthday so we celebrate both hers and Vlad's on his which I do know, August 11. The day went swimmingly. I cooked up about 2 pounds of burgers, I had mine with all the trimmings and they et theirs plain. Potato salad was the side dish of the day. After the burgers they got smoked pork neck bones to gnaw while I pulled weeds to feed to the quack pack. Vlad's & Bella's neck bones consumed and my work done it was time for an ice cold cantaloupe. Naturally I saved the seeds to try to grow new melons next year. I love bacon in my tater salad and on my burger (and almost everything else)  so I added the smoked pork goodness there and I saved the drippings to use at a later time.

More Edible Landscaping Wanted

I'm on the hunt for more edible landscaping. I'd prefer bartering or trading to purchasing.
Here's my shopping list:
Pawpaw Trees
Native American Persimmon
Wild Plums
Sugar Cane
Granny Smith Apple Trees
Any Other Wild, Semi Domesticated Fruit Trees that will find central Mississippi suitable habitat

While not totally edible I do have space for and would love to have a patch of giant bamboo.

Holler if you have any you want to be rid of or can help a redneck get a little closer to his dreams coming true! Love & Peace, Merlin.

Life Gets Better

After telling my butthole supervisor that I had decided when I wanted my last 5 days vacation and getting his trying to be a smartass response, I checked on the computer at work and found I don't have 1 week of vacation on the books to take... I have 2! I think I'll wait until I find out if my request was approved or not to let him know that I have another week to take off... during holiday season when we're the busiest! LMAO

Vlad's birthday Is Soon

Vlad the Impaler, my Jack Russell Terrier will be 7 years old come August 11. I can't believe it has been 7 years minus 5 weeks I put him in my pocket, went to my mom's house and said, "Mama, you've got a grandson" and pulled him out to show her. I thought for a second she was gonna have a heart attack thinking she was gonna be Nana to a human child but she was happy enough for me to have a 4 legged son. Only a few weeks before I got him I was driving home thinking "how can I keep him contained whilst I am at work?" The Lord provides as I saw a brand new like condition baby play pen being throwed away. Then a few days later I found a kiddie car seat and he became my riding buddy. If not on my way to work, he rode with me coating the passenger side window of my (our) truck w/ puppy snot. To this day when I open the door to our truck or car Vladi is ready for a ride.

Don't Buy The Cheap Tools

Today I had a couple of small jobs that required caulking (actually silicone) and therefore; a caulking gun. I already have one (or 2... somewhere) so off to Wally World I go. There they have 2 models. 1 is about $2.00, the other is about $5.00. I think, "Hey, I'm not doing a commercial/professional job here. The $2.00 model will suit my needs. Wrong again, Redneck! Not even 1/3 of the way through my 1st tube of silicone the ass end blows out of my gun. What's the lesson we learned today, kids? Chances are there's a good reason one gun costs only 40% of the other. It's a piece of crap! I can go back to WW tomorrow and trade in my broken one for $2.00 off the better one but there's the pain in the ass factor. Especially when buying small ticket item tools go for the best. Did I really save $3.00 and would that $3.00 make or break me? No and no.

MerlinTheRedneck.blogspot.com: Heller Than Hot

MerlinTheRedneck.blogspot.com: Heller Than Hot: My sweet Lord! Word is it's fidna be over 100 degrees not including heat index here for the next few days. All I can do is hose things d...

Heller Than Hot

My sweet Lord! Word is it's fidna be over 100 degrees not including heat index here for the next few days. All I can do is hose things down before it gets too hot and hope I don't pass out. Pray for me and mine!

Finally, It Rains... After I Water

Yesterday I saw (and felt under my bare toes) everything in my garden and yard was getting crunchy. Even a couple of my citrus trees were begging for water. Hell, they were almost fighting each other to follow my boy dog around to get peed on they were so parched! I hosed everything down real good and made em all happy then around 1:30 or 2:00 went to bed. A couple hours later I awoke to the sound of thunder and we got a good soaking rain. Maybe all I had to do was prime the pump!

Requesting vacation time

I mulled long over posting this and finally decided to do so. 

Tother night at work I told my supervisor, "I have decided the 2nd week of September I want my weekend off, then my 5 days vacation time, then my weekend and 1 unpaid day off for a total of 10 days straight." He gave a little sarcastic laugh and said, "You  decided?" I looked him dead in the eye and said, "Yes. I have decided which days I want for my vacation. Now let's see what I get." I was so close to adding, "You dumb ass wannabe smart ass" but held my tongue. Fortunately for all involved he wasn't smart enough to come up w/ another jackassy reply. Let's all wait and see if I get the vacation time (that I have earned after 8 years w/ the company) or if he screws it up like he does most everything else. Meanwhile, I'll be looking for employment elsewhere. At age 55 nearing 56 some may not think this the wisest plan of action for me. But, hey! If I don't like what's on TV I change the channel... if I don't like a movie I walk out. 

I've been active duty US Air Force, Naval Reserve and Mississippi Army Nation Guard. There I was a flight simulator specialist, construction equipment operator and dental assistant, respectively. In civilian work I've done electronic circuit board assembly, computer assembly and testing, shipping & receiving, zookeeper, worked in a bag plant, done railroad repair and worked as a construction and renovation electrician so I'm no one trick pony. I'll readily admit I've never done something before but saying  "I can't" comes hard to me.

Incubator & eggs

Years ago I had one of them little styrofoam incubators and used it to decent success hatching out chicken eggs. It ended up being one of them things I loaned out and never saw again. I'm shopping the net for another with the game plan of next spring buying some bobwhite quail eggs. I originally bought my ducks as 1 day old hatchlings  planning to eat them but have done gotten attached to them so they're just pets that I may some day get eggs from. Quail mature in only 6 weeks so maybe I could eat them. If I go all soft hearted again there are woods not 200 yards down the road w/ pasture nearby where I can release the little birds. If my neighbors don't enjoy the song of bobwhite quail as much as I do they'll just have to get over it.

Bella, My Dachshund

I got Bella when she and Vlad were both around 6-8 months old, I reckon. She belonged to an ass clown named John in the trailerhood who worked one of them jobs where he was out of town 2 weeks at a time. His girlfriend had given Bella to him then moved out a few months later. Rather than ask someone to watch and keep Bella he pretty much kicked her to the curb when he was out. She was a street urchin. When she and Vlad saw each other they didn't see, hear or think about anything else other than getting together and playing. I told John one or both were gonna get runned over. I would be saddened if it were Bella, if it were Vlad either John or I was gonna get the piss kicked out of him. John considered the possibilities for about 3 seconds and said Bella was mine.
I don't know her real birthday but Vlad's is August 11 so we celebrate the day as both their birthdays. I usually grill up a batch of burgers. They prefer theirs plain... no pickles, tomatoes or even a bun, just meat! Then to gild the lily they get smoked pork neck bones to gnaw on for the rest of the day while Papa does yard work. Whoever says "a dog's life" like it's a bad thing never met mine.

My boy, Vladi

I got my Jack Russell Terrier, Vladi when he was 5 weeks old. I really didn't want a dog but my best friend (you know who you are) talked me into him. From day 1 he had my heart. He was the son I never had. I only have had to whup his butt 1 time. When I talk to him he looks at me as if he understands each & every word I say. When he talks to me and I don't get it he looks at me like, "Papa, I know you're not too clever so I'll say again."
I wanted a cool name for him, not Spot or Jack (how unoriginal can you get for a JRT?). One day we were playing and he went up my arm w/ them little needle sharp puppy teeth that I called at the moment "impalers". I looked like someone took a staple gun to my arm. Then inspiration hit! Vlad The Impaler! Named after a homicidal, genocidal, suicidal madman (according to what most people believe) my Vladi was the best behaved, smartest, most gentle and best looking of all the kids (2 or 4 legged) in the trailerhood when we was there. Now he's all that and more in the suburbs!
Before Vlad I had 2 cats, Baby Toad (yes, Baby Toad but that's another story) and Shado ( yes, Shado, w/o a "w" but that, too is another story). Baby Toad passed away at age 18 but Big Shad only made 16. Whatever "stinky food", (our term for canned cat food) they didn't eat I put out for the local strays. One stray leads to 2, leads to 4, etc. So Vlad grew up surrounded by kittens. Hell, I think he was nigh onto 6 months old before he ever had a puppy to play with. So is this boy going to go cat killer? I think not.

Techno~Idiot

Back before the internet, when Microsoft was 1st coming our w/ Windows, when the 486 was the latest & greatest microprocessor I actually worked for a computer company based in Longview, Texas as an assembler, tester, trouble shooter and support technician. Everybody except my older brother has accepted the fact that asking me now to set up even a DVD player is like asking a lawn mower repairman to work on a jet engine. 33 Mhz was considered a fast computer at one time, kids... a 1 Gigabyte drive was said to be physically impractical if not impossible for a PC.
Now I'm trying to get my cell phone to talk to my PC so I can download pictures to share here. I'm saying a lot of, "I don't know what that means"... "I do what now?" and/or, "Click what button?" w/ not a small amount of language my grandma would slap me for if she ever heard it, God rest her and keep her.
At any rate, I'm off for the next 2 nights from my full time job so maybe I can figure out a little more and get a step or 3 closer to picture sharing. Pray for me.   0:)

Edible Landscaping

I forgot to mention I also have 3 small banana trees in the back yard. They were roof high at the trailerhood but didn't fare too well during my move. I digged them up, put em in a plastic tub, brought em home and semi forgot about em. We had a few freezing rains which all but killed them. While I've never gotten bananas from them and have no expectations to ever do so, I do need the leaves when cooking cochinita pebil.
My dad owns some land in north Mississippi, Montgomery County to narrow it down. I'm hoping to go up there next spring to fetch home some huckleberry bushes and a persimmon tree or 3. Pawpaw trees have piqued my interest but I've not seen any growing wild as the Audubon field guide states they could do around here. I've looked online but am not $30.00 + shipping interested.

Still unpacking and looking for stuff

The worst part of moving isn't packing or the actual move but trying to find what you need for the next few years. Saying to yourself, "I know I have that... somewhere."
I've never been accused of nor had it proven that I am the most organized person in the world. Case in point:
Since my 1st attempt at affixing a drain to my ducks' new pool w/ PVC glue proved a failure (hey, I thought plastic is plastic) I would try hot glue. Herein lies the flaw to that plan. I need my glue gun and glue sticks. I found the gun and any sensible person would have found the sticks with it or in a box semi nearby, right? Well, I'm not really that damn sensible. I know I have some somewhere. I think mine are at WalMart.

Cool Spell

It's only forecast to be 97 for the high today. Maybe some rain will hit the ground before it evaporates.

Pool not too successful

Well, Hell! I thought I had a grand idea... Poke a hole through the side of the pool close to the bottom w/ my buck knife, waller it out a bit then glue in a piece of salvaged PVC pipe and use a 90 degree elbow to keep the water in until it got nasty, then pull the elbow out to allow the water to drain out. Seemed simple enough, right? Not really. The glue stuck like a tick onto the pipe but like snot on a glass doorknob to the pool. I'm not giving up easily, though. I'm way too hard headed for that! I'll try different glues until I find one that bonds PVC to whatever kiddie pools are made of... maybe even fire unless someone has tried a similar bonding and has a solution.Thanks for reading!